I received the following in an email today:
(and yes, the email included a copy of my old LJ post...images intact (they don't show up here cause I just copied and pasted it over))
(and also yes, the entry is dated last year in April, back when I was still deciding on what college to attend)
Even assuming that this is perfectly genuine (without scam in sight), how the hell did she come across me...and such an old post for that matter?
I'm a reporter in Washington, D.C., for Newhouse News Service, which serves a chain of 26 papers:
This is me:
I'm writing a story about picking a college, and I’m trying to talk to future students about their feelings about making the decision. I came across your post mentioning this topic (below), and I’d love to talk to you. What do you say?
Please respond to this message, or call me at 202-383-7847. If you get my voicemail, please tell me when I can reach you.
cloud8 (silversquall) wrote,
@ 2006-04-24 19:31:00
Chem makes me cry. I explained it out loud to Niko today. The cycle is simple. I don't know what I'm doing, so I get behind, so then I don't want to ask for help, but then because I don't ask for help, I get even further behind. It's a vicious cycle; that's what a vicious cycle is by definition.
I need to pick a college. I'm probably going to pick UC Santa Cruz, but as with all decisions, I can't make up my damn mind. I mean, if I have problems making decisions regarding trivial things, you can imagine how I feel with something that carries this much weight.
And not just chem, there's a whole flood of AP tests that I need to prepare for. Or actually, the toughest ones don't really have any possible preparation, like Calculus BC. Why the hell am I taking BC? Didn't I learn my lesson when I signed up for AP Chem the class? *sighs*
Additionally, due to my nature, not only do I have to worry about the stuff like this, I also worry about things that don't even need to cause any worry. Like prom. Or hell, like Disneyland. Why the hell am I worried about Disneyland? There's nothing to worry about, but of course, in my twisted mind, the worst-case scenarios always come to mind first, and I don't think I'll ever be relieved of this paranoia.
"My fears come alive
In this place where I once died..."
Oh, and what's worse, all this stress comes at a time when I'm so damn emotionally blank. It's like starving, and then filling up the hunger with candy and caffiene-charged sodas. You just crash. I haven't crashed yet, but it has to happen sometimes soon within the next couple of weeks. It's inevitable.
Knowing I, I just needed to realign."
I wonder who actually sees my myspace; it's so much easier to find than livejournal since so many people have myspaces. I question this all of a sudden because Alex Smith made some comment today about how he liked my profile. So, it comes to mind, all those profile views that seemingly pop out of nowhere...who are they? Eh, whatever...
And the void of my emotional state isn't a good thing, and it's not acting like it's going to go away. It's much more troublesome than you might think. It's like this image:
If you can't feel, it's really hard to get much of anything out of life. Oh, and to icing on this cake, Melanie needs me to submit poetry to the kettle; yeah, that's going to be real easy when I can't feel a damn thing other than this mounting stress that seems destined to kill me.
So then I look at stuff like this which makes me laugh:
Uh huh, yes it does.
I only wish that all this were an external problem, because then I could rely on an external solution, but it's all probably based on me, and on me alone, free of any aid of anyone else. And that is what drives me insane (in addition to everything else that makes me go crazy).